you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
