kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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