My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
