i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
