i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
