How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
