This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
