he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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