He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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