when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
