we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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