So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
