Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
