last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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