You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
