man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
