A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
should my penis look like a turkey
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
