batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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