the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
