Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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