so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
