Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
