I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
