i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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