Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
