very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
