turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
