Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
