well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
