He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
