Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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