Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
