I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm like, not good at living.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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