She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
