i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
