Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
