I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
