there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
