There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
