smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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