i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
