so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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