i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
