i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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