I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
