...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am mentally ready for anal.
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