Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
