Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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