youre lurking in front of me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
