you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
