I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
