Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love having hate sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
