I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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