it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
