why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
