She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
