Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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