This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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