the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
