me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
