Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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