Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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