Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
