Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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