dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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