There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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