Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
