I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
