dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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