I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
