I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
