Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
