remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do vagina's smell?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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