so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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