I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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