Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
