Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
