You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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