I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
