names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
