There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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