Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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