She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am midnight drunk by noon
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
