My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
