i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
