i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
