Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
