I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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